Many people get the point in their relationship where they may start to feel ready to take it to the next step. You may feel as if it is the natural progression of the relationship, family and friends inquiries or other outside pressures. However, your partner may not be at the same stage as you. Upon further research, it is not uncommon for one side of the relationship to feel more ready than the other. For myself, I have been with my boyfriend for over ten years and for the past year and a half I started to feel like it’s time to get hitched. My parents have also been asking me why a proposal hasn’t happened yet. I do feel a little pressure from my family but mainly from myself as I feel I am ready. My boyfriend however, was not at the same stage as me.
When I first brought up the possibility of marriage we began to discuss how this could be the next step and how it can be beneficial for the both of us. At that time he was not at all ready and he felt stressed with the notion that I was. After much delegation we realized that we were both raised watching different viewpoints of marriage. He was much more apprehensive to get married due to his personal experiences, whereas I was much more excited due to mine. Instead of being frustrated with his hesitation to propose we decided to unpack it instead. We engaged in plenty of integral conversations over the past year and a half discussing all the pros and cons. We have made sure to discuss our expectations, goals, financial and future dreams in great length to be sure that our ideals align with each other. We both made compromises and agreements so that we were both happy with the outcome of our decision.
We then came to the conclusion together that getting married is the right move for us. I realized that it all came down to effective communication between the two of us. I have compiled a list of some important questions that we felt were the most effective in determining our expectations for the future of our relationship. They cover the main discussions we had in order to come to our big decision. Be sure to check out an insightful list of questions from Oprah Magazine and a massive 100 question list for more.
1. Why do you want to get married?
We discussed what marriage means to each of us and why it may be important. We also asked each other why we would want to marry one another.
2. Do you want kids?
We all know this is an incredibly important question to discuss before committing to someone. Be sure to also discuss possibilities of fertility issues, how kids fit into your lives and how you would want to raise them.
3. Do you have any outstanding debt or financial obligations?
Never hide this information and don’t lie about it either. Money and finances is an important part of planning for the rest of your lives.
4. Do we want separate bank accounts or shared assets?
Are you willing to sign a prenup? Don’t be offended if this question arises. Everyone can have different experiences with what they have witnessed related to a marriage. Your role as a potential life partner is to make your spouse feel comfortable and taken care of and if the notion of a prenup helps them with that then it might be a good option.
5. Where do you want to live?
You need to discuss where you plan to put down your roots. Where do you want to be and what kind of home are you striving for?
6. Do we agree on the division of labour in the household?
Who will do the chores and how often?
7. How can we be satisfied with the sexual ebbs and flows in our relationship?
You should discuss and aim to be on the same page with your partner when it comes to sexual expectations.
8. Do we respect any religious, spiritual or political differences between each other?
Couples don’t need to agree on everything, but they should always be respected, especially when it comes to fundamental beliefs and opinions.
9. Medical information
Any family medical history that is important? Also how will we take care of each other during a medical situation?
10. How much do we want to spend together and with others?
How much obligatory family time is expected for yourself and your partners attendance, including holidays.
11. Will you be taking your spouse’s name?
Also, if you are deciding to have children what will their last name be
12. How committed are we to our careers?
How are we both able to compromise when it comes to dream careers and opportunities.
13. How do we plan to spend our vacations?
The way a couple spends and values leisure time is more important that you might think!
14. How can we improve how we communicate with each other?
Communication is the root of a relationship. How you communicate with each other can determine a lot. Be sure to always be working on ways to hear and listen to each other.
15. What are your future goals?
What do you want to accomplish in your life and how do I fit into that?
We had some hard discussions so that we are able to know that when we do decide to get married there will be no uncertainties. I know this enabled my boyfriend to be more excited with the thought of marriage as he was apprehensive before but now feel sure of the decision we have made together. I know he is planning a proposal some time soon and when it happens I will be sure to write about it!
Remember that even if you are ready your partner may not be. Their experiences with marriage may be different from yours. Even though I was ready a couple years ago he only started to feel the same more recently. Because I love him and have known for a long time that he is the one I am happy to be patient and wait until he is ready too.
Victoria Ansell (@vicansell) Social Media Specialist for Cande Bridal Boutique
1350 St Paul St
Kelowna, BC V1Y 2E1